初めまして

初めまして。私はポン　イユンです。コロンビア大学の大学院生です。中国からきました。どうぞ　よろしく　お願いします。

Because of my careless but catastrophic mistake that I deleted all the content of this blog by covering it with new content, I am now rewriting it. This first blog I posted recorded how I felt when I studied Japanese in America. I am always wondering why I study Japanese here. Further I would wonder why I should study Chinese history here. It is an embarrassing situation that I would be destined to vacillate between the two countries and the two cultures. I hope for something sure and certain but I cannot get it.

This feeling makes me much more panic than I am usually supposed to be in front of this tiny mistake. It makes me so pessimistic and desparate that I almost break down. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe that I am now so weak, fragile and vulnerable now. I hate myself. I hate my fate as if I am manipulated by God, if He does exist. I don't know how to get rid of it so I guess I have to be tortured forever as long as I am here, in this stupid dilemma and twisted world.